The darkness of depression
Coming from someone who struggles with depression, we don't really open up about the things we think or feel. It's tough to be honest with others, because the thoughts that circle around in our heads can be pretty dark. I have even been torn on whether to post this and share my journey this much with the world, so why am I deciding to be open about it now? Because I have seen many people take their lives, many with friends, spouses, and children left behind to suffer. I have seen the despair it has caused on others around them. But most importantly, I have seen how it has left loved ones very confused and wishing they understood or knew how they could have helped.
Depression is not just an ordinary sadness. Depression is a deep state of sadness that is uncontrollable. It often leaves you feeling unable to function in an ordinary routine. So what exactly does a person with depression feel? What exactly runs through their head? I guess it's easier for me to write than to speak, so embrace yourself for some truth. I have four amazing kids! I have the most amazing husband! The fun that we have and the love between us that you see posted online is genuine. We all love each other! The problem with depression though is that no matter how good life is, no matter how great of a husband or kids you have, depression will tell your brain you are a failure. It tells you that you are a terrible mom, dad, wife, husband, daughter, son, or friend. It doesn't just make you feel that way for an instance on a bad day. It's constantly reminding you that you will never win and you will never be enough!
Let's say there's a moment during the day where you spill a little food on the ground. The normal thing to do is clean it up. Maybe for some even throwing out a word or two of frustration. Nonetheless, you get a paper towel and you clean it up. In a state of depression though, that tiny amount of food will break you. Your brain isn't telling you to clean it up, it's telling you that cannot even manage to spend one hour without screwing something up. You can't clean up because your brain is paralyzed by fear of screwing up again. Those who struggle with depression love others with an intense kind of love! The problem though is that depression tells us we are unworthy of their love in return. Because of that fear we are always afraid we are going to lose their love. We fear that because we are broken and shattered, unable to feel "normal", that they would be better off with a different spouse, parent, or friend.
Whenever someone finds out I deal with depression, there are two ways things go. They will either ignore it, because they genuinely don't see me having a problem. OR they will tell me how valuable I am, how loved I am, how much they care for me, and that I can call them whenever I need someone to talk. I see the eagerness for others in wanting to help someone overcome depression. Here's the thing. While those kind words are appreciated, that is not what helps. So what does help??
Come alongside of that person and invest your time and heart into them. If they are not on medication and they are unable to cope with their day to day routine, they pull back from all the things and people they love, encourage them to get help!
Don't just say it once, encourage them kindly until they have help!
Be a friend! Be someone who doesn't just say they care, but be intentional and actually care.
If you are here as someone who struggles with depression like me, coming for comfort in knowing you are not alone, you have come to the right place! I want to tell you....
YOU ARE LOVED!
YOU ARE CHERISHED!
YOU ARE ENOUGH! ....but most importantly....
YOU ARE GOD'S BELOVED CHILD!!!
"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God" - 1 John 3:1
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
