I just can't; the depression roller coaster
Depression and anxiety are those dreaded and never ending life struggles for those who deal with them. I wish I could say that once you're out of the woods after getting some help, you'll never have to take a step back in. I wish I could say that everything once you're out of those woods is all sunshine and rainbows. However, it's not that simple. You'll definitely run into cloudy days, and sometimes even thunderstorms here and there.
Therapy and medication do make things a whole lot better. It is designed to help manage life's normal highs and lows without having a mental breakdown multiple times a day. Medication aids in rewiring the brain when it was previously off just a little bit. In therapy you gain techniques on how to cope, that are specifically designed for you. I'm sure that most, if not everyone knows someone who deals with mental health issues. It's easy to see them getting help, and think they're all good. It's easy to just stop checking in and loving on them, because the professionals are taking care of things. As someone who has dealt with these mental health issues day in and day out for almost their entire life, I can confidentially say that we don't always feel "normal", even with therapy and medication. We sometimes fail to continue using those techniques the therapist gave us or fail to take our medication in its perfect timing, and we can get to the point where we JUST CAN'T.
There are various activities that cause us to cringe because of the anxiety or sadness it causes us internally. Sometimes when we encounter these, we end up removing ourselves from the situation altogether. It becomes too difficult to manage so we simply don't. Text messages and phone calls are some of those things that make us cringe. We see a text or call pop up on our phone. Maybe it's regarding making plans with a friend, someone needing advice, asking us a question, or wanting to know how we are doing that day. These are simple things that could have easily led us to a full blown anxiety attack or depressive meltdown before, but even while on medication, it can still be too much to handle.
Daily tasks can often be pushed back, again and again and again. Cleaning our house or our office leads to anxious thoughts such as what we should start with or how we should organize the area. Sure, maybe you don't struggle with these types of thoughts. You're probably thinking to yourself "just quickly answer the text and move on with your day" or "just make a list and you'll know what to do first"....GREAT! This means you don't understand, and honestly, those of us fighting for our mental health on a daily basis don't ever wish for you understand. If you did, that would mean you were in the same boat as us feeling like we are constantly trying to stay afloat, and we don't wish that on our worst enemies.
The brain is difficult to understand. It is hard even for highly trained professionals to fully understand exactly why the brain balances out with medication and why that same medication given to a patient can all of a sudden stop working.
Mental Health Issues can be awful and relentless, but boy am I grateful for a God who not only created our intricate brains, but sees the beauty in us even when we don't. I am grateful that he sees us, sees our pain, and guides us through. We are loved and we are beautiful despite our crazy weird brains. Let us learn to lean on him and his goodness even we feel like we are falling, because he will catch us!
If you are having any thoughts of suicide, please call the national suicide prevention hotline @ 1-800-273-8255
