Dealing With the Mental Load of the Holidays as a Mom
If adults were being honest, we would say that women carry the majority of the mental load and responsibilities around the holidays. That’s why dads wake up Christmas morning with just as much shock on their faces as the kids do watching the kids open their presents. All the magic that Christmas provides isn’t just magically all put together in a perfectly wrapped gift. Christmas is methodically tied together by moms around the world spending countless amounts of hours prepping to make things special for everyone in their household.
While we enjoy every ounce of energy we put towards the whole Christmas experience, it can be draining. Maybe this resonates with you right now. If you are feeling worn out, tired, ready for the holidays to be over already, just know you are doing an amazing job! I see you, I feel you, and I am praying over you this holiday season.
The Prep Work
As a child, we go into Christmas thinking that it’s not that much work. We see the Christmas decor all around the house, the lights twinkling, cute pjs ready on the bed, the tastiest breakfast and lunch perfectly tailored to everyone’s idiosyncrasies, like the one person wanting cherries in the dessert. Mom made the tastiest homemade cookies and even let you lick the spoon. Teachers gifts gently placed in your hand on the last day of school. Every single present is perfectly wrapped with the most beautiful bow. All we do as children is enjoy the fruits of mom’s labor.
When we become mothers, we recognize the chaos that surrounds the holidays. It doesn’t just magically show up for us, our mothers did what we now do. We work tirelessly to make sure each and every little detail is perfect so that our families can feel loved and everyone can leave the holidays with beautiful memories.
Moms begin the thought process months in advance like getting all the outfits ready for photos, then hand picking the Christmas cards they will go on.
We get all the supplies for Christmas crafts and ingredients for cookies. We have our children bake with us, while we are stressing over the flour that missed the bowl and ended up on the floor. Then there’s the glitter that we know we better clean up before dad gets off work, because he doesn’t want accidental glitter in his beard.
Christmas present are often extremely difficult, especially for the fathers or father-in-laws, because men are the toughest to shop for. With children, it’s making sure clothes are the right size, the baby doll has the right hair color, or their makeup is the correct shade.
Choosing the meal comes with its own issues. Deciding on something either everyone or at least most will love. After picking it all out there’s shopping for the food, cooking the food, making sure every dish comes out around the same time, and getting it all set out on the table. All to get devoured in about 20 minutes.
Mental Load
This all comes with a heavy mental load. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make sure everything is perfect for our family. In the early morning or late at night before we go to sleep we are thinking, planning and shopping, and we do it all because we care so deeply. If we aren’t stressed, are we really even doing enough? Though I am kidding, we do feel this.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, just know you are not alone in that feeling. Us moms have each others backs and we are in this together. If commiserating together isn’t enough, learn to ask for a helping hand. Ask your husband to set up the lights, or pull out the decorations from the storage closet while looking for any hidden mice while he’s at it. Ask your kids to help you load dishes, or pickup behind themselves. Maybe even ask them to be careful pouring the ingredients over the bowl. Teach your kids to be grateful for the things you have gotten them, rather than focusing on getting the wrong color of something.
It’s okay not to be perfect. It’s okay to worry and have your brain be on overdrive this time of year, but it’s also okay to let people in. Let them into your chaos. Carrying the load with others makes the load a lot lighter.
Most of all, learn to sit back after all is done and enjoy the fruits of your labor! Merry Christmas and happy holidays!
