Motherhood; The Under-Appreciated Job
The biggest complaint I hear from moms across the board is not feeling under appreciated. Whether the feeling is driven from your spouse, your children, your family members, friends, or even strangers, feeling unappreciated is unfortunately common amongst most moms.
Though we work tirelessly on keeping the family unit together, making sure everything is done when it needs to be done, and everyone has everything they need at all times, most often these things go unnoticed. Day after day of not feeling seen can be extremely heavy on a mom’s heart.
However, sometimes all we need to make a situation is better is beginning to understand. Once we are able to understand how someone is feeling, it becomes easier to move on and do better at making people feel seen and loved.
The Endless Tasks
There are many days of cleaning the whole house, whether that’s when the kids are at school, while they are napping or busy playing. The laundry gets washed, folded and put away in drawers. Snack wrappers that were tucked in between couch cushions are thrown away. Bathroom floors are scrubbed from children missing the toilet. The grocery list is gathered, including items needed for meals, and shopping is done for all of said missing items. The old moldy food is thrown away because this week the kids have decided they don’t like bananas anymore. There are days going through kids drawers to see what clothes are too small and need to be replaced. Old items are then put into goodwill piles and new clothes are bought to replace the old ones. There are so many birthday parties, which requires figuring out a good gift and arrangements with schedules to get to and from the party. Of course there are your own kids birthday’s, which include a plethora of planning to curate the perfect party. It has to run smoothly so that your child has the best experience and ultimately feels seen and loved.
There are endless amounts of appointments. Doctors, dentists, therapies, orthodontists, parent teacher conferences, just to name a few. Not only is there a need to make the appointment, there’s a need to get them there, remember anything that needs to be talked about, or forms that need to be filled out for school. On the days they need to get a shot or a filling, they need endless amounts of love and comfort, and probably even a little treat for being brave.
Moms are the ultimate person to run to for comfort. Whether they scrap their knee, bump their head, have a bad dream, get a bad grade in school, get dumped, have a tough time with friends, or are just having a hard day for no specific reason, they need that comfort. Then there’s the encouragement. Whether at a sporting event, concert, award ceremony, they need that person there to cheer them on.
Comments that Sound like Complaints
The groceries have all been bought, the fridge has been stocked and your child reminds you that you bought the wrong flavor of their favorite snacks. You may have spent the day scrubbing floors, but someone notices you missed a spot. Your child has their birthday party, and to make it special, a cake has been baked and decorated all day, only to find out they would have maybe wanted brownies instead. It’s time to open presents, and you find out the outfit you picked isn’t the right color, and the toy would have been their third or fourth choice rather than the first.
All it takes is one comment, whether said intentionally or most often unintentionally, to feel like you have let down the people you love the most. When those types of comments pile up day after day and year after year, it can unfortunately turn some really great moms turn into a bitter ones.
How to Turn it Around
We’ve talked about how tough it can be for a mom. We’ve talked about all the tasks, whether seen or unseen that a mom does. Moms are constantly working to make everyone feel loved, and to make sure everything runs smoothly. How do we change our attitudes and make moms feel loved instead of overwhelmed and insecure? We try and notice all of those little things she does.
After coming home at the end of the day, you first notice the things that have been done. You notice the clean laundry rather than some of it not being fully put away. For your birthday, you pay attention to all of the ways she has tried to make you feel loved, and you do just that, feel loved. Sit in the moment and feel the love that she has tried so hard to make sure you feel.
If something isn’t fully done and it is really bothering you, just do it. If it’s not a bother, leave it for another time or day, because chances are, she already plans to get to finishing that laundry or putting away those dishes.
Remind Her She is Loved
Remind your mom she is loved by focusing on the good rather than the bad. Tell her how much you appreciate the way she loves the family, the way she runs so many tasks and things around the house. Remember to vocalize your appreciation for the little things. When she feels loved, the peace that surrounds the house will be unmatched!
