Making Good But Hard Parenting Choices
I’m currently sitting in California on a brisk fall morning miles and miles away from my children. My husband and I left them with my generous parents so that we could have a getaway and some time together. This time is much needed for a healthy marriage. As we sit here by the harbor, we are encountered with yet another tough parenting decision. One of our daughters wants to stay home from school because all of her friends ended up going on a field trip. With all of them gone from school for the day, she has nobody else to talk to or sit with at lunch.
For a child who likes being alone, this wouldn’t be difficult. For a child like mine who is more dependent on her interactions with others, this is a nightmare. Being alone can be scary, especially if you hate being alone. Nobody to laugh with, to cry with, or to commiserate in the chaos that middle school can be with.
As a parent, we ache for the moments we see our kids go through hard things. My husband and I first thought to take her out of school. She could stay home with her grandparents for the day and have some bonding time. She would feel loved, cared for and seen. She’s ahead in school, has straight A’s, who cares if she misses a day?
After a lot of back and forth on it with my husband, we ultimately chose to make her go to school, and I’m so glad we did.
Life Isn’t Easy
There are many moments in life that are much easier to run from than to stick it out. As an adult I can think through many of those moments.
I think about one in particular when I was in high school. I wanted so badly to be the manager for our hockey team. I grew up at the hockey rink. I know thew sport. I have a deep love for the sport. I wanted to be a part of the team without actually playing, because I have no actual skills in that area. The coach knew our family and told me he had a spot saved for me.
I was so excited the first day, until I showed up. The two other girls who were also chosen to be the managers were girls were not my friends. They were actually girls who didn’t like me at all. Honestly I don’t even remember why they didn’t like me.
They were awful to me that day, calling me all sorts of names and trying to make me feel uncomfortable. They wanted me to quit. I left that first day balling my eyes out. I went to the coach and told him I was done, then went home and told my mom the same. This is not a good situation and for the good of everyone, it’s best if i’m done. My mom and the coach both told me they weren’t allowing me to quit. The coach basically told me too bad, you better figure it out.
I knew my daughter was going to be feeling just as anxious as I felt when I was in high school. She’s going to be hating every second of being stared at by others while she is sitting alone.
Let Them Learn Small
The next hockey practice came. I had to go and work things out because my coach made me, not because I wanted to. Everything in me wanted to quit. Reluctantly I went to the other girls and asked if we could talk. I asked why they disliked me and if I could do something to change that. It definitely caught them off guard. They felt bad and asked if we could start new and become friends. Long story short, we ended up becoming great friends. We even hung out outside of our hockey schedule all the time.
Though this was a fairly small scenario in the grand scheme of life, I’m glad I was forced to do the difficult thing. My mom and my coach made me work through that tough situation because they knew it was good for me. I am grateful they pushed me in that moment. Over the years I have had to do a lot of hard things, and that little moment in high school started teaching me perseverance.
My daughter is going to have a tough day at school being all alone. It breaks my mama heart to know she’s hurting and know I could take her away from that pain, yet I’ve let her go through this. I know that she is going to be a stronger person after she makes it through the day, and she’s gonna be proud of herself for doing the tough thing.
Tough Situations Make Tough People
We become more resilient when we conquer tough situation. As parents our job isn’t to make life easy for our children, but raise our kids well. Unfortunately life isn’t easy, and nobody gets a break from it. We all are going to run into a mean person in school, a nasty coworker, a boss that seems like they are out to get us. We are going to be faced with sickness, with death, financially low moments, hard relationships, natural disasters, or just simply being alone when we don’t want to be. What shapes us is how we handle the hard things in life.
As much as we want to make life easy for our kids, it’s best if we allow them to work through the hard things. Allow them to show up and conquer the tough things life has in store for them. Watch from afar cheering them on, and embrace them with love on the other side.
