To My Child’s Bio Mom; A Letter From An Angry Adoptive Mom
I can’t help but think about how life would have been for her if you had tried even a little. What would have happened if you had protected her just once in awhile from all of the abuse you let her endure, or if you had just picked her up just once in awhile when she was an infant crying for a hug and a kiss. Maybe I wouldn’t be in the position I am today trying to pickup the broken pieces that she is in now. Maybe she wouldn’t be struggling so much. Maybe she would be able to love others in a healthy way like humans were intended to.
Life for a child shouldn’t be like this. They should be cultivating healthy friendships with people who love them and care for them. They should desire friends who want them to be happy and healthy both emotionally and physically. Instead she attaches to unhealthy people, despite how old or how harmful they are. This happens because it’s all she’s ever known from you. As for the people who genuinely love and care for her well being, we are iced out. We are treated like dirt, again because that’s all you ever showed her.
Kids should be having normal kid thoughts; what dress to wear to the dance or what activities to participate in after school. Instead she thinks of how to hurt people or how to manipulate them to get her way. Let me tell you, that is neither good or healthy.
God intended you to be her mom. You were the one that was meant to cherish her, to hug and kiss her everyday, and to tell her how beautiful she is inside and out. You were supposed to help her through school work and boy problems. Every time she cries saying that you are the one that really loves her, I am the one that has to remind her that you left her without even trying. I have to remind her over and over that I am the one who chose her, even though you were the one that was supposed to choose her everyday of her life. This isn’t the way she was supposed to grow up and I'm so mad at you for doing this to her.
We are the ones who have showed up for events, cheering her along. We are the ones who have held her hand through new and scary situations. We get her to and from school, birthday parties, or hangouts with friends. We are the ones creating special memories with her, taking her on road trips, teaching her to cook, or even just sitting down and spending quality time together. Even though we are the one’s that consistently show up everyday for her, she chooses to reject our love because of your actions.
Because of you she only knows abuse. She only knows rejection and anger. Through your actions, or should I say lack there of, she doesn’t know how accept love or care. All we can do is continue to show up everyday, hoping just hoping that one day she’ll let us in and allow us to love her the way that she deserves, the way God intended all of us to be loved. Not only do I hope and pray that she knows how to feel love someday, I pray the same for you. I hope one day you too, learn let your guard down, learn to accept love. I pray for reconciliation between the two of you, both for her heart and for yours.
