Quit Taking It Personally

As parents, we have some pretty similar behaviors. One of those is being good at taking our kids behavior personally. Deep down we believe that our child's poor behavior means that we are incapable of being good parents. It is as if we are responsible for those thousands of choices they make daily.

Foster to adopt training

My family and I are in the midst of our foster to adopt journey. If that isn't a term you've heard of before, it's basically becoming a foster parent with the intent to adopt a child. The moment the biological parents rights have been terminated is when adoption becomes possible.

Recently, we were in the last portion of our training. It was one of the biggest portions of our training. This training is called TBRI or trust-based relational intervention. If you are around kids in any capacity, I highly recommend getting in on some of the training. What TBRI provides is a great framework for working with children. It is truly amazing to learn the science behind a child's brain and how to communicate with them accordingly. The biggest takeaway for me though was Q-TIP or quit taking it personally.

Quit taking it personally

That statement isn't something new to me, but it struck me at my core. I almost always take anything and everything my girls say to me personally. Maybe it's because I'm emotional, but I definitely get my feelings hurt from time to time as an outcome. Hearing things like "You're the worst mom" can really make you believe that you're a failure as a parent. When my girls get in a little trouble at school or at church, it is easier for me to believe it's my fault in raising them. I mean, haven't we all heard the phrase "I thought I raised you better than that".

The problem though is that we aren't seeing the underlying problem that is causing them to impulsively do or blurt out something. For some reason we believe that their brains function in the same capacity as ours. Unfortunately, we are not getting the fact that their brains aren't fully developed yet. Many times they do not understand what they do or say.  

Be the adult

It is our job as parents to be the adults in the situation and be level headed. We should just continue guiding them through life and let it go if something hurts our feelings.

When our children ask us for dessert before dinner, we will inevitably tell them no. The moment they reply with "That isn't fair! You're so mean!" it is our job to see past their sad little sugar deprived tummies and not doubt their love for us.

When you get a phone call from their teacher saying they had to go to the principal's office for having an argument with their friend, it is our job to see past the mean words they said to their friend and see their own hurting hearts. Remember despite that, we have still raised them well.

Children don't always know how to express themselves the way that an adult knows. To be honest, meany grown adults aren't so great at expressing themselves. The least we can do is give our children a break and then give ourselves a break from needing to be the perfect parent.

We are loved. My girls love me and your kids love you! No matter what they say or do, they love us. So let us get out of our own heads, our of our own misery seeking hearts, and learn to let it go! Let us learn that not all bad behavior is associated with our wrongdoings. Parenting isn't easy, but a gift we have been blessed with.