Give Yourself What You Give To Others
Moms are different in many ways. Whether it’s how we discipline, how we show love and affection, how involved we are in their lives with their friends or with school. Some moms breastfeed and others bottle feed. Some of us would consider our parenting styles to be authoritative, permissive, or authoritarian. Though we all differentiate on how we parent in many ways, there is one major similarity that we all have. We give all of ourselves to our children. We give all of our heart, soul, time, and most often we leave nothing for ourselves.
Moms are constantly pouring out emotionally for their kids, whether that is helping them manage their own emotions, or helping them through an issue in their friendships. We are pouring out both physically and mentally making sure backpacks are packed, homework is done well, papers are signed, showers are taken, everyone is fed, and everyone is abundantly loved.
Moms give and give even after we are depleted, because we love our children so fiercely.
Give What Is Needed
I am not trying to say that we must give up all of that love for our children and put ourselves first at all times. We chose to become parents, and that’s out of the abundant love we have for them. They are tiny little pieces of us. A little bit of our humor, a little bit of our sensitivity, a little bit of our stubbornness, and a little bit of their very own uniqueness. They are perfect just the way they are, even with all the chaos that they bring. They are “beautifully and wonderfully made.”
We have a lot to give though and we love giving sacrificially to our children. It’s in our DNA. As their parents we do and should absolutely give to them what is needed. They need our love when they get a scrap on their knee, a tummy ache in the middle of the night, or when someone says something hurtful to them or just because. We should absolutely give them our attention when they have a dance recital, a school award ceremony, a sporting event, or randomly affirming them when they’ve done something good or selfless. When our children are hungry we feed them. When they are sad we hug them. When they feel discouraged we encourage them and remind them of their worth. Giving them what they need and when they need it is so rewarding for us to be able to fulfill that need, but it is also rewarding to them because they feel seen and they feel loved.
Giving isn’t just to our children either. We also give to our significant others, our friends, our own parents, our neighbors, our kids school teachers, and anyone we interact with throughout our day. It is a good and selfless thing to clean the house for our husbands, to give them space when they need it after a long work day. It is good to give to our kids school teachers and volunteer when we are able. Taking care of our neighbors when they need it like shoveling an elderly neighbors driveway is the type of kindness we need in this world. Taking care of our friends kids when they’re in need of a long awaited date night is not only kind, but helpful. Loving those around us is a good thing. Not only does it make us feel good, it also fills others’ hearts as well. These are all really good things that the world needs more of.
Save Some For Yourself
This is the part us moms struggle with often. Saving some of that love, energy, and time for ourselves. I’m not really sure why we do this, or why we think we are doing such a great job when we refuse to give anything to ourselves. We tend to think we are only doing a good job when we have filled everyone else’s cups and not our own. The idea of giving so much that we run on empty feels like we have made this sacrificial accomplishment.
It is quite the opposite though. We have missed such a crucial step, leaving some for ourselves. We cannot love others to our full capacity if we don’t first love ourselves and take the time to care for our own soul. We end up burning out. I know you know the feeling, the give and give until we implode emotionally. Our hearts are heavy, our plate seems to be overflowing with tasks to do for others. Taking care of our children seems like a burden that we will never unload. Often we start to become short with our husbands, begin to yell more often at our kids just for being kids, or just stop talking to others around us.
Our souls and bodies need rest and love as well. Though we forget about ourselves, remembering that saving love or time for ourselves is actually beneficial for all those we love around us. When remembering to love ourselves, we don’t end up burning out. Instead we are able to love others better! We become better at loving our children. Sitting down at the end of the night to read them a story or two doesn’t seem overwhelming, but rather full of life. Helping them after they get hurt is easy. You have all the compassion in the world, even if there is no blood, broken bones, or any reason for their over the top reaction. When they ask us for yet another snack, we are able to gently break the news that you don’t need 100 snacks a day, and redirect their emotions by maybe playing a board game with them.
It’s Okay To Take A Break
I am giving you the okay to take time for yourself. The act of loving yourself isn’t selfish, but rather a selfless one. As we embark upon the new year, or anytime of the year, remember to slow down and take you time, whatever that ends up looking like. Grab your favorite book, your favorite podcast, bring your journal, or your favorite music playlist to a local coffee shop and tune the rest of the world out for a bit. If you have to get a babysitter for an hour or two, give yourself permission to do so. If you’re lucky enough to have a spouse or parents, don’t be afraid to ask them for a break. I promise that taking time for yourself to breath, to love yourself, is worth it. Your children will be grateful you did, and so will you!
