Foster to Adopt; Is it Really Worth it?
Today marks the one year mark since we made things official with our oldest teen daughter and adopted her out of foster care, and only a year and a half that she has been in our home.
Most people often ask a lot of questions when it comes to foster care and adoption, but the question I hear most often is “Is it worth it?” Well, at least in some sort of sense of the phrase. The consensus that I have reached is that many people are curious because they have some sort of desire to either do foster care, adopt, or both, but don’t know if it’s really worth it.
Let me just tell you now, it is totally worth it!
Some Days Will Nearly Break You
Before we ever had a child come into our home, all we ever heard from people was that fostering is extremely difficult. Everything about it was going to test me to my limits and then some. I thought that all those people were exaggerating, but honestly they weren’t. It is in fact extremely difficult!
My family and I have been yelled at. We have had doors slam in our faces. Pushing and shoving has occurred. I have had things thrown at me. We have had money stolen from us. Principals have called us in for many meetings, and even at times the police have been involved. We have gotten threats to run away, but thank God we never had any child actually do so. We have been told all sorts of awful things, and we have been lied to more times than I can count. Taking care of a child that is not biologically your own can and will take a toll on you.
I have many times gotten to the point of curling up in my bed with the door locked and tears running down my face. My feelings have been ripped to shreds at times. I have even gotten close to reconsidering doing foster care and adoption.
Honestly, you will probably ask yourself if you’re doing the right thing often or question if you are the right fit for what that child needs. Just know you’re not alone, and though it is a process, it does get easier!
It’s Supposed to be Difficult
It’s supposed to be difficult. It’s unnatural because you aren’t biologically their parents, which means at some point they were abandoned or taken away for one reason or another by their biological parents. That doesn’t mean it’s not perfect in it’s own beautiful way.
Our daughter turned 13 in the fall, and not once have we regretted this journey. We have many times wanted and needed breaks from the chaos. Many times we have felt as though we were failing her, but we have never wished we hadn’t fostered or adopted her. She is our family.
The beauty of family is that it takes work. Any relationship for that matter takes work. We are going to let each other down, make mistakes, and say things we regret. At the end of the day, family chooses to love one another and that means apologizing and working through our messes.
Being Chosen
Something we always say in our family is that family isn’t necessarily deemed by blood, but rather the people who choose to love you everyday. Our daughter through foster care and adoption is family because we told that judge nearly 1 year ago that we were choosing to love her everyday and raise her like our own. She is our own, and she is fiercely loved by our family unit!
No matter what chaos we have to deal with, it makes it all worth it when she squeezes me with a tight hug and tells me how much she loves me just because. All those times where I question if I’m making a difference, I look back to when she first lived with us, and I see just how joyful she is now to then. That is worth it.
So, is it worth it raising a child that isn’t yours by blood through foster care and adoption? A thousand times yes! It may make your life more complicated, it make make it messier and more emotional, it may make you wanna rip your hair out often, but it also makes your life a thousand time more joyful! If you are thinking about foster care or adoption, just jump in. I promise you won’t ever regret it.
